Not gonna lie, I only saw this because LaKeith Stanfield is in it. I will watch pretty much ANYTHING my guy is in. It also helps that this movie also had an ALL-STAR cast. Jamie Lee Curtis, Daniel Craig, Chris Evans, Toni Collette, Don Johnson, and to top it off Frank-Fucking-Oz! With that amount of talent in one movie it can’t be bad right? Correct! I already had a deep love for whodunit’s in books. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Alexandre Dumas both contributed to that love. So you have a modern take on one of my favorite genres and have a bunch of actors I love in it? I’m fucking in. Before I start, i’m gonna spoil the shit outta this movie. So if you haven’t seen it and plan on it, what the fuck you doing here? Shit came out in November you fucking bozo. Okay, now let’s begin.

This movie is beautifully shot and the establishing shots of the mansion and the greenery around it made the Wes Anderson lover inside of me melt. So much so that when a shot of Hannah Bak–I mean Katherine Langford had her eyes perfectly fit in a rectangular reflection from the moon I let out a moan in the theatre. But that’s besides the point. Now, I’m going to give you a rundown of the film. Harlan Thrombey is a old-ass author who recently celebrated his 85th birthday. At the party he has altercation with multiple people (mainly his kids.) His older daughter (played by Curtis) Linda’s husband (played by Johnson)  is having an affair and Harlan threatens to reveal it if he doesn’t., Harlan fires his son Walt (played by Michael Shannon) from his publishing company, and cuts off the wife of his deceased son Neil (played by Collette) from her allowance which also means that her daughter (played by Hannah Baker) Meg’s tuition isn’t paid. Now they all have motives to off this old fart. The morning after the party Harlan is found in his study with his throat slit by his housekeeper. A week later three detectives (played by Craig, Stanfield, and some other white dude that no one cares about) show up to question the family. They question everywhere except Harlan’s grandson Ransom (played by Evans) who isn’t there. They all recount the night with subtle differences. Afterwards they find and question Marta. Now, Marta has a natural aversion to lying. This comes up a couple times. So much so in fact that she vomits every time she lies. Remember that because it happens a lot.  So before Marta answers the question they show a flashback of the events that led up to Harlan’s death. Marta and him are hanging out and she’s giving him his daily medication, but she accidentally gives him the wrong dosage of Morphine, 100 milligrams to be exact. Harlan has ten minutes to live and he accepts his fate and he gives Marta instructions on how to get away with this accidental murder. These steps include: Dressing up as Harlan, loudly announcing the time as she leaves, scaling a wall not being seen by cameras. She almost does this perfectly, but as she’s scaling the wall she breaks off a piece of one of those wooden things that vines grow on. I have no idea what they’re called. She also is almost caught by Harlan’s mother, who mistakes her for Ransom. Since Marta throws up whenever she tells lies Harlan tells her to tell the truth in fragments. Which she does. the detectives believe her and let her go. Later that night Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) is still skeptical of the death so he enlists Marta to help them in the investigation. This turns out to be a blessing in disguise as Marta is a very sloppy murderer and leaves hella tracks behind her. Footprints, Mud, the broken piece from the wall thing. So, she uses this new job to cover her tracks and almost gets away with it until one of Harlan’s dog bring the wood piece to Blanc! Then he finds the window where Marta snuck in and mud tracks on the fucking rug! Like damn girl. Oh! That night she entered the house from the side entrance and she also got caught leaving the house on the camera, but she covered the prints by smudging them and used a magnet to fuck the tape up. Who the fuck still uses VHS tapes by the way? Where was I? Oh yeah, so also that day the family is gathered to be read the will and that’s when Ransom shows up. It’s apparent immediately that everyone hates him. Even his own parents! So when Ransom tells them that Harlan cut him out of the will everyone is weirdly happy about it. Until he tells them all to “Eat Shit.” Then they all start yelling at him. Then Frank Oz the god comes in to tell them he’s about to read the will. Apparently Harlan altered the will a week before his death and left everything, fucking everything, to Marta. The house, sixty-million-dollars, and his publishing company. That’s when all hell breaks loose. The family, who before we super nice and cordial to Marta now turn to greedy animals. Calling her a bitch and all this other shit too. I was ready to fight them for real. Marta, obviously shocked by the news is pretty much attacked by the family and runs to her car to escape, but of course her shitty car won’t start. Ransom then pulls up and tell her to come with him. They go to a diner together and Ransom pretty much forces her to tell him what actually happened and puts an empty bowl in front of her to make sure she isn’t lying. While she recounts, the family is figuring out ways to get the inheritance from Marta. These haters google ways that the inheritance would have to be forfeited and find the “Slayer” rule. Which means if the person that receives the inheritance is the killer then its not their’s anymore. So now they go hard on Blanc to figure out a way for Marta to be the killer. We then go back to Marta and Ransom at the diner after Marta has told him everything. He decides he’ll keep the secret if she gives him half of the money. They both agree that Marta needs to lay low for a few days, but the next day a bunch of reporters gather outside of Marta’s house after the news breaks that she inherited the fortune. She tries to escape through the back, but Walt’s bowlegged ass is there waiting for her. He threatens to reveal that Marta’s mother is an illegal immigrant if she doesn’t renounce the inheritance, and it was at that point where I became annoyingly frustrated with these characters yo. The Thrombey family is just a bunch of greedy, low-key racist, assholes man. They only knew that because Hannah Baker told them. I couldn’t believe it. Also, while all of this is going on Blanc is talking to Harlan’s Mother “Nana”. She doesn’t talk much, but Blance has nowhere to go so he plays the waiting game. Marta checks the mail and in it is an envelope containing a copy of Harlan’s autopsy report that says “I know what you did” on it. She takes it to Ransom and they go to the medical examiner’s office only to find it burned to the ground. Odd. Ransom tells Marta to check her email and there she finds a message from an anonymous sender that tells her to go to 1029 Columbus Rd at 10 am. After she reads it Blanc spots them and begins walking towards them, Marta speeds off and the detectives catch up to her almost immediately. They arrest Ransom based on Nana’s recounting of that night. They all begin driving to the police station with Blanc riding with Marta. Marta sees that the time is 9:56 and drives to the rendezvous with Blanc. When she enters the place, which is a old laundromat, Fran (the housekeeper) is there about to die in a chair. She had been injected with 100 milligrams of morphine. She utters “You did this” and ” Stashed it” before Marta performs CPR and calls the ambulance. At the hospital Blanc is called about Ransom’s confession and apparently his rat-faced ass snitched and told them EVERYTHING. Marta accepts her fate, but wants to tell the family the truth in person. They all return to the house and Marta speaks with Hannah Baker. She mentions Fran weed stash and Marta’s mind clicks. She finds the original copy of the autopsy and hands it to Blanc before her confession. As she’s about to apologize Blanc interrupts her and pulls her into the library where he explains that there’s still another hole to fill in the story: Who hired him? He instructs the other detective to bring Ransom in and asks him why he hired him. Now, I’m not gonna lie I do not remember everything Blanc said to justify he reasoning, but he basically figures out that Ransom is the ultimate killer. Actually let me try. Ransom left the house after Harlan told him he cut him out of the will, he devised a plan before he drove off that would frame Marta for his death and snuck back in through the gate to in act it. Using the same steps that Harlan told Marta to sneak back into the house. He switches the liquids in the vials and takes the antidote with him. But as he’s leaving Nana sees him. Which is why earlier, I know I didn’t say, but when Nana saw Marta leave she said “Ransom are you back again?” He tried to return again, but the dogs caught him and started barking so he left. The day of the funeral while everyone was out of the house Ransom got in and returned the antidote to Marta’s bag, but Fran saw him. And coincidentally Fran had a Cousin at the Examiner’s office and got a hold of the report and mailed a copy to Ransom, but then Ransom put it in Marta’s mail. Ransom arranged a meet up with Fran, drugged her, then burned her copy. In an attempt to frame Marta for Fran’s murder. After Blanc finishes his deduction Marta gets a call from the hospital and acts like Fran is alive in order to trick Ransom into admitting he murdered her. He does, then Marta vomits on him. Revealing the lie. Realizing that he’s going to jail anyway. Ransom grabs a nearby knife and attempts to kill Marta, but the knife turns out be a prop! Crazy. Ransom is now arrested for the second time and Linda reads the letter Harlan left her revealing her husband’s affair. Then while the family is outside Marta goes up to the balcony with a mug and everyone looks up at her. She’s drinking from a mug that says “My House” on it. Fitting.

With that long ass summary you don’t even have to see the movie, but I still would. It’s so beautiful and I definitely left some shit out. If not for that, then go see it to support LaKeith! He’s amazing. Also, Daniel Craig uses a terrible southern accent in this shit. Like, the fuck was that?

Watch the Trailer for Knives Out Here

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